when did fresh direct start sucking?

1st delivery: 75 minutes late. i had to leave at 9 on the dot. i asked the super to let him into my apt, and she graciously agreed. i got home that evening to find 3 boxes piled outside my door. ok. i had purchased some frozen items that were no longer frozen. turns out my [good] neighbor had taken them in and then left them outside my door when he had to go out.

2nd delivery: 40 minutes late.

this is acceptable how?

friendster. it's good for something

i will sign on randomly every couple months and look at who's peeped me. last night i saw the name of my 7th grade science teacher (it's a very distinctive name). he's only 11 years older than me, was just a kid teaching at 23. i wrote to him. i'm all kinds of excited to be back in contact.

ha ha ha

thanks to the pussy of a commenter who, naturally, remains anonymous -

FREAKING north dakotans.

(i hope your life feels more complete now)

the plan

i need to go on a starvation diet, lose 20 pounds, go to china, and shop for a husband. a rich, secretly gay husband who wants an american passport. this is actually something my aunt told me i should do, somewhat seriously. they have a dearth of suitable wives since the brilliant, short-sighted chinese have been killing off the female babies. there's no one to marry the filthy rich men! so i should go over there and snag one, play the good wife at social functions etc... i'd have to learn chinese properly but that wouldn't be a problem. he could fuck his guys, i could fuck my guys... i could travel and do whatever i wanted and the end. i think this is a very fantastic idea.

sweet as!

total earnings so far this new year: $1500.

!!! and more

these people decided to dance with boxes on their heads. i don't know either.

a dark video with shitty sound quality (i think i was trying to capture how hard people were going off):



some rapture shots:





luke jenner's ass, compliments of minx.



more bad dancing... hit that floor!



my souvenir from a few weeks ago. i enjoy drinking out of jars.

starting the new year off with a bang

!!! party last night. f-u-n friday night. i've pretty much lost my voice. it's way hoarse and mannish sounding, but i suppose guys find that sexy? one can only hope. also, yesterday morning my snot was bright green. too sexy. so last night the ugliest, weirdest looking guy in the joint (named levi) tells me i'm beautiful and gives my ring a big wet kiss. he had what i can only describe as a gelled jheri-curled mullet and was otherwise dressed as a lumberjack. at one point, he ripped his shirt open and i think that is when my vag shriveled up. i'm pissed i lost my hat, and i wasn't even drunk when it happened. pics to come.

i never thought the day would come when a 30 degree day would feel warm to me. praise jebus. no need for gloves? break out the sunnies!

i'm so glad bloc party's new one is growing on me. i wasn't impressed after hearing the leak, at all. but now that i can hear it properly, yeah, it's good.

i'm seeing so much fur on the streets. yesterday i saw a woman in the station wearing one of those huge russian-style hats with half the damn animal hanging down her back. not even kidding. it was the head and torso of a fox or something. like, doesn't that shit hurt the neck? besides for the gross-factor...

I DON'T WANT TO MOVE

read this about my immediate vicinity

Nexus of the Universe accdg to Seinfeld. It puts you in the center of a lot of great cheap eats and have easy access to the F train, crosstown houston bus and the M9 and M14 bus that will bring you as far as the West Village, Union Square and down to LES and Chinatown. You'll have access to the Union Square Market (14th St/Broadway), Wholefoods, Essex Market on Essex St and Chinatown - where everything is really cheap...

i had some spare time over the weekend. behold - creepy perv! (sorry, inside joke).

today i wear my playboy legwarmers

- UNDER - my jeans, thanks very much. i saw on the train this girl wearing a skirt, no stockings of any kind, and black legwarmers. thankfully i couldn't see how short her skirt was, since she was a big old cow. i bet her thought process this morning went something like, "i get to whip out my legwarmers today. god i'm going to look so HAWT!"

seen friday night, when it was a mild 9 degrees - a woman wearing high heeled sandals. the flaming idiocy of people never ceases to amaze me.

poprally

what a great fucking deal. $10 for a pretty true 2+ hour open bar. tonight was rum (not a big fan, especially since it reminded me of last week's pukefest) and peroni - good shit. matty got me in for free since i'm special for this week. i was most amazed that, while it was packed, there were so many bars set up that there was barely a wait for a drink. a+!

a justin theroux sighting made it all that much better. questionable attire, but so short and hot.

HEYYYYYY

i attended a swank event at bergdorf's last night, thanks to nb's invite. spotted carson queer eye looking very short and orange, flitting thisaway and thataway. fun times were had ogling the pretty boy models.

who'd i miss

i've replaced the following lost mp3s that were in my itunes, but not on my ipod (favorites are on the pod). who do you think i should also acquire?

The Rapture .
!!! .
Hot Chip .
Mstrkrft .
The Knife .
love is all .
sunset rubdown .
New Order .
Beck .
new young pony .
fall .
daft punk .
animal collective .
killers .
aphex twin .
arthur russell .
blood on the wall .
chad vg .
cobra killer .
dfa 1979 .
dfa .
dntel .
flaming lips .
fleetwood .
shout out louds .
kraftwerk .
like .
love n rockets .
magnetic fields .
morrissey .
smiths .
depeche .
quasi.
ride .
royksopp .
seconds .
six finger satellite .
ash .
blondie .
blow .
broken social scene .
cat power .
church .
bowie .
stones .
sounds .
mission of burma .
slits .
slint .
big black .
pil .
mekons .
devo .
human league .
joy division .
wire .
scratch acid .
shellac .
love .
zappa .
p floyd .
scanners .
young marble giants .
decemberists .
klaxons .
swan lake .
malajube .
pulp .
neu .
siouxsie .
brian eno .
mew .
unicorns .
120 days .
jamc .
notwist .
sufjan .
feist .
css .
boredoms .
magic numbers
magik markers .
field music .
roxy music .
esg .
abc .
duran .
yo la .
sebadoh .
elliot smith .
patti smith .
jose gonzalez .
my bloody valentine .
wilco .
apples in stereo .
billie holiday .
marvin gaye .
swell maps .
clash .
kills .
weezer .
serge .
teenage fanclub .
super furry animals .
superchunk .
kings of leon .
adam ant .
can .
lou reed .
kinks
animals .
oj .
buzzcocks
mogwai .
good bad queen .
mj .
don cab .
birthday party .
beat happening .
mogwai .
trans am .
gorky .
ny dolls .
gbv .
shocking pinks .
annie .
johnny cash .
secret machines .
jam .
make up .
echoand bunnymen .
vaselines .
national .
replacements .
minor threat .
minutemen .
mercury rev
jon spencer
black mountain
fiery furnaces
paul newman
boris
lightning bolt
luna
james brown

congrats are in order if you're still reading.

yus

so happy ilan whupped marcel last night. sam was my pick, but number 2 ain't bad. i almost spewed my water out when i saw marcel's lower back tat. i don't think i've ever seen a guy with a tat in that location before. top design didn't blow me away, but i'm willing to give it a few more tries. tood oldham is cute but not great in front of the camera.

also i'm going to coachella because nb got a vip wristband hookup. i almost cried over the 3 day pass total.