Monday, May 29, 2006

this is a joke, right?

this has got to be a joke, right?

Personal Assistant For Music Executive
Reply to: job-164724303@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-05-25, 8:00PM EDT


Looking for a Personal Assistant For Me and My Marketing Staff.... We Work With Hip Hops Elite. Our Clintes Very From (Freeway,Young Gunz,Joe Budden, Dj Green lantern,Dj Drama Ect.....)
Must be attentive and must able be to comform with the business their dealing in(MUSIC). Must be proficent with pc or mac.
!!!!!ONLY ACCEPTING FEMALE APPLLICANTS WITH PICTURES!!!!!!
IF YOU DO NOT SEND PICTURES YOU WILL NOT GET A RESPONSE

* Compensation: Negotiable
* Hiring Organization: CavemanPromo

who wants to supply blow jobs for a 12 year old boy? must be good-looking!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

head explosion

i just got a friendster message from a girl i went to grade school with. she's not only married, but has a baby too. i'm freaked that someone my age is such an adult, while i am wasting my 20s away. she has the husband, the baby, the job in finance, the big house in the suburbs... and then i noticed that in one of the pictures, the baby was wearing gucci loafers or something very similar. god am i glad i'm out of high school. anything is better than that hell.

Monday, May 22, 2006

i've discovered the secret

to making sunday at bea bearable. the key is to start drinking the free champers before noon. for real, the day flew by, i could hardly believe it. probably the most entertaining thing about the weekend was the german guy in the next booth over. he wore shiny lame (french accenty thing) pants with a large floral print on them. all three days, in a row. on the first day, my cheeky monkey of a uk colleague says (obviously mocking him): nice trousers.
crazy german guy: oh, thank you. i got them at h&m for only $20.
cheeky monkey: are you sure they weren't in the women's section?

i also had the best crab ever at crisfield in maryland. so yum.

Friday, May 12, 2006

oh woooow

i have the opportunity to maybe work in london for a few months. my mind can't even handle all the possibilities...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

just a reminder, boys and girls

lesson 101 in getting along with snarky. do. not. be:
flaky

(Or "flakey") Subject to frequent lossage. This use is of
course related to the common slang use of the word to describe
a person as eccentric, crazy, or just unreliable. A system
that is flaky is working, sort of - enough that you are
tempted to try to use it - but fails frequently enough that
the odds in favour of finishing what you start are low.
Commonwealth hackish prefers dodgy.

Informal, nonspecific term describing a mild to moderate state of psychological disorganization that may be demonstrated through trouble organizing thoughts, remembering plans, formulating intentions, and carrying out everyday affairs. The term is often used to refer to individuals who probably have undiagnosed learning and attention disabilities or to characterize an aspect of task performance.


what do they give the employees at trader joe's, and can i please have some??

summer fridays start tomorrow. WHOOOOO!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

randoms

first skirt day, yay! at least for me. i'm not one of those fools who breaks out the skirt and flip flops when it's 50 degrees.

the other morning i saw a cute little french bulldog who was so eager to scamper onto the sidewalk, it lost its footing and fell on its shoulder. made me laugh, which ummm, never happens on the way to work.

i'm sick as a dog and taking zicam. it's supposed to work. i took it last time and had inconclusive results, so this is the final test. final, because it tastes soooo godawful. it's like sucking on a piece of chalk.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

just another asian girl

i'll start this post about japan off by saying never in my life have i felt more unfeminine and unattractive. i went to osaka and kyoto, and in osaka, the girls were sooo perfectly made up. the hair, the make-up, the clothes. i'm pretty sure it must take them 2-3 hours every morning to get ready.

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typical girls at shinsaibashi.

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the california barbie couple. hey how long do you think he's been fakin bakin?
^i noticed a lot of japanese girls seem to be bow-legged. i forgot to ask minx about it. very strange.

dotonburi

dotonburi in osaka, or the eat till you burst street. literally every storefront was a restaurant of some sort, for an incredibly long stretch. craziness.

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ok this was actually taken in taiwan, but look at the madhouse in a department store on a sunday afternoon. everyone's trying to get pretty!

...more japan.

no porn!

pornography is strictly forbidden in all forms in the airports in japan. you pervs have been warned.

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these bevvy machines are everywhere. the japanese manage to make even them look nice and pretty!

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the stonewash denim duo. i just couldn't take my eyes off them.

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my first hint of what was to come.

two minutes after we got to the hotel room, my mom calls out to me, "e, come here! you have to wash your ass, it feels so good!"
i'd heard about the fancy toilets that spray warm water and, have to say, it is pretty nice if horribly environmentally unfriendly. actually what i enjoyed much more were the heated toilet seats - that would do me wonders on a cold winters' night. not available in our hotel rooms but found elsewhere were the toilets that make noises as needed, you know, to cover up those embarrassing sounds. naturally i had to push the noise buttons every time i saw one, like a 5-year old eager to push the elevator buttons. whatever, it made me giggle.

fancy toilet

anyone who knows me knows i'd insist on sushi on the very first day. here's the first sushi meal. looks nice but wasn't the best thing ever. i can now confidently say ny has sushi of equal quality.

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there were... problems getting dinner one night. luckily, i'm a resourceful bitch and booked it to 7-11 and got my dinner. see, their 7-11s have normal, edible food! except for that green stuff on the right. still not sure what it is, but the saltiness is giving me nightmares.

something else that was nasty...

natto!

natto! as absolutely disgusting as it looks.

we went to kyoto to try and catch the end of cherry blossom season. catch it we did.

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supremely serene at the heian shrine.

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kyoto is known for its elaborate kaiseki dinners.

kaiseki

so pretty! but very overpriced, as most things in japan are.

lastly, as requested:

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the talons! they're still on, but not long for this world.

Monday, May 01, 2006

laughing at another's misfortune

the past weekend was spent drinking myself silly and catching up with friends, and sleeping. an embarrassing amount of sleeping was done, in fact.

i have this from a friend who shall remain anonymous. it had me quaking with silent laughter at work last week...

girls..... still hopeless but getting better... i used my limited chinese to create my own pick up line... wau yau ni, which translates to i want you.,.. used it on the tour leader, she laughed and said no, but it was still worth the effort... i managed to sleep with one of the chinese trainee leaders but she wouldnt put out... a little conservative......... how bout you.

same bed...... she wouldnt even kiss me.. she just kept biting me.... fucking weird.........

me: hot chinese girl eh?
HAHAHAHAHA
OMG
biting you where????

biting everywhere you would kiss... i think kissing someone would constitute a 'bad' thing.....

euginie was 22 years old a virgin and had never been kissed... i gave her her first alchoholic drink... she was pretty green..........

me: sorry dude, don't go for prude asian chicks in the future