dear nyc bar owners

please stop using the following words in the names of bars: sweet, valley, home. over-usage is causing much confusion. thx.

aw matty bo batty

Matt: I think theres a chance I would go gay for Brad Pitt.
Matt : Thoughts?
me: bravo!
me: clap clap
Matt: :(
Matt: i dont wannnnaaaa be gay
Matt but man

um WHAT

last night at the playgirl party, they gave away some bullet vibrators. all the guys took 2 each. WHY. because of their greed, this girl didn't get a bullet.

here are some tips from a GREAT SEX pamphlet:

condoms are more fun if you and your partner put them on together.

never use a condom more than once.

it's always a good idea to wash up after sex and it's twice as good together; so keep the energy flowing and take a bath or shower with your partner.

if you don't think condoms taste all that good try mint or fruit flavored ones. or add some sizzle, and drizzle on some waterbased flavorings of your own like
-maple syrup
-honey
-grape jelly

who the hell wrote this drivel??

wow

the of montreal packaging is really cool. go buy it!

redman

last night i took a trip back to the early 90s for the part-time fliering gig i'm trying out. canal room was packed, i was lucky to get in. in fact this is one of the few times i'm sure being a girl worked to my advantage, since there were door people. i'm sure there were plenty of hip hop people there i totally did not recognize. when i signed on for the job, i was under the impression i'd be sent out to parties or bars i'd normally go to anyway. not so on this assignment. we'll see.

i have to question the validity of physical fliers at this point in time. i know i've never gone to a party or show because someone handed me a flier. they have a place on the web for sending out in emails, posting on sites and bulletins, etc. but i don't really see the point of printing them out anymore. also, i really suck at fliering. does anyone have any valid tips besides wearing a top showing tons of cleave?

anyway, the show itself wasn't bad. i left wreaking of weed.

this is a very handy guide for new yorkers seeking free wifi.

yums

dried dragonfruit at trader joe's. go get em!

just cos

it's been such a long time...

Subject: No Subject
Body: HELLO GORGEOUS , I GOT YOUR PARENTS PERMISSION TO SPOIL YA.......THEY DID SAY THAT YOU HAVE EVERYTHING ALREADY, BUT YOUR MISSING ONE THING IN YOUR LIFE; ...ME...
ID LOVE TO HEAR BACK FROM YA, I HOPE IM NOT MAKING A WRONG DECISION BY GIVING YOU MY CELL#
917-327-1986....................SPEAK SOON.....MATT
IF YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE ME CALLING YOU, LET ME KNOW..

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=47816578

Subject: No Subject
Body: HELLO HI U DOING.E..MY NAME IS KAREEM AND I WANNA SAY I APPRECIATE
YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME OUT TO READ MY NOTE,I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING
HAS IT'S PLACE AND THAT I'AM A STRANGER 2U AND.I'M HOPING 2 MAKE
IT POSSIBLE 4 US TO GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER,AND THEN WE WILL FIND
OUR WAY TO TRUE FRIENDSHIP, HOPFULLY YOU WILL
SEE IN THE FUTURE,THAT U MADE A GOOD CHOICE BY PUTTING YOUR
INTEREST IN ME,I'M HARDLY .. AND I HOPE TO SPEAK WITH U SOON
SO PLEASE READ MY PAGE U FIND OUT MORE ABOUT ME,HIT ME ON YAHOO IM
@ BASEMENTKHEMIST OR AIM BVILLE1580.or.CALL-ME.646-379-2101 I ALSO KNOW THAT IT SEEMS KINDA STRANGE 2 LEAVE MY # BUT I'M WILLING TO TAKE THAT CHANCE IN GETTING TO KNOW U AND NO IT'S NOT ANY GEE NUFF TALKI'M WILLING TO PROVE!!!!!! .TALK 2U SOON..(I-HOPE)SMILE

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=71900183

Subject: looking good
Body: HI EVE!LOVE ASIAN WOMEN MAYBE YOU MIGHT FIND TIME FOR A NEW FRIEND.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=145273807

my name's not fucking eve.

for the first time in my life, i'm repulsed by sushi. last night i had a roll and pulled a bone out of my mouth. i immediately lost my appetite and felt queasy. i'm not sure why, maybe because bones don't belong in sushi? if i'd been eating a whole roasted fish, it would've been no big thing. but i was extremely grossed out and am still feeling queasy about it. let's see how long this lasts.

new york adorned is DODGY

another day, another person screws me over.

i got a white ink tattoo at new york adorned in june. i spoke to the assistant and told him very specifically what i wanted done, and he gave me an appointment with michelle. i went into it fully knowing the risks of white ink, i read up on it as much as i could online and was determined to give it a try anyway. michelle told me that we'd go over it until i was happy with it. she was initially going to charge me $90, but knocked it down to $75 after i chatted with her. the tattoo took 20 minutes, and while i was happy with how it looked, there were some areas of discoloration.

i went back in august to get it touched up, because the grey areas hadn't disappeared. before and throughout the appointment, michelle consulted with another artist at the studio who seemed to be the white ink guru. he told her how to go over it, what kind of ink to use, etc. this time she mixed the regular white ink with intense white ink from japan. unfortunately this time didn't take either, and i went back in october for another touch-up. she used the same special ink mixture and told me they'd ordered a plastic needle especially for me. the other artist again advised her how to go about touching up. i had to wonder at this point why i hadn't been scheduled with him in the first place, and also why the plastic needle hadn't been used initially since the areas of discoloration were because of the regular needle. there seems to be a lot of bureaucracy at ny adorned, the really top-notch artists only work on large pieces. all the small pieces and walk-ins go to michelle, from my observation. would it really have been impossible for him to take me on and done it right? it would've taken all of 45 minutes, it would have turned out a lot better, and they could have proven they deserve their good reputation. michelle totally missed one of the lines and looked upset after the touch-up, and refused my tip.

i scheduled another appointment with michelle for this past saturday. by this point, i'd given up on the white and was ready to go to color and be done with it. friday night i got a call from the shop and they said michelle said it was too soon to go over. i told the girl that was weird, it was completely healed and i hadn't had it touched up in 3 months. she said michelle would call me in the morning. she never did, and i called back to change the time of my appointment. the girl went to consult with michelle and was gone for a few minutes. she came back saying michelle was uncomfortable doing it and basically, didn't want to do it. but she would call me in a bit to explain. she never called.

what. the. fuck.

i quickly scheduled an appointment at tattoo culture and had a fantastic experience there. the tattoo looks rad. as he said, he feels responsible for every tattoo he does. i feel like michelle fucked the white up from the get-go and would never recommend anyone go to new york adorned, which is sad because i got my first tattoo there and had a great experience with michelle edge, who doesn't work there anymore. figures my smallest tattoo would cost me the most.

old bones

two innocent jogs over christmas break have manifested into a sore kneecap, aka patello-femoral syndrome (chondromalacia). i look forward to more of this bullshit as i creep up in the years.

a possible solution

to the stinky coworker.

Kill it Dead Natural Anti-Funk Spray (so people think you take baths).
Kill It Dead de-funkifier doesn't just cover the funk, it attacks it and makes it be gone. All natural and vegan, this is the alternative to your drug store deodorant containing not so good stuff like aluminum and parabens. The combination of tea tree oil (melaluca alternafoil), witch hazel and distilled water, provide the perfect fight against bacteria that make funk. Kill It Dead allows for your naturally scented body to be funk free and not perfumey, it is in an Amber glass bottle and hold approximately 4oz.

available here.

rrrrico

i honestly wasn't that impressed by puerto rico. the beaches weren't as nice as the other caribbean islands i've been to. namely, the sand wasn't that nice, the water wasn't that warm, and it was very rough and choppy. outside of san juan, it looked very much like any other island as well. i wasn't a big fan of the food, which was pretty much all deep fried. you'd think everything would be delicious, but tostones? completely tasteless! they also seem to have a penchant for overcooking their fish to the degree that, if i threw it at the wall, it'd bounce off. not very appetizing. on the plus side, much of the service at restaurants was impeccable. i've never had such pleasant waiters. the highlight of the trip would have to be a visit to the bioluminescent bay, one of three places in the world where you can see it! it was one of the coolest things i've ever seen. we kayaked through mangroves at night, basically through a little canal because the mangroves were so close in everyone's oars hit the branches every once in awhile. all i could see were the green glowlights from everyone else's kayaks. once we got to the bay, the water looked something like this:



not as intense, but still awesome.

the other highlight was my second surfing lesson. it was much tougher than in new zealand due to the rough water. i had my ass kicked and barely could stand on the board for a second. i stunk it up. i also did a bit of topless surfing. bikinis and waves don't mix too well. luckily i had an extra shirt to throw on... my body is still sore and bruised from kayaking/surfing/cycling.