the great burrito expedition of 06

on sunday, the band spent 5 hours recording. three of us went out in search of lunch - the trip should've taken 20 minutes roundtrip, but ended up taking well over an hour due to one-way streets and off-kilter street signs (oh bushwick). it was really quite an adventure. i managed to navigate the car to one of many mexican restaurants in the area (alas, i'm a girl who can read a map!!), and when we got back to the studio we ended up accomplishing a lot more than we set out to do. however, what i'm most pleased about the day is acquiring the bag my burrito came in.:



B-E-S-T-E-B-O-L

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..

.

..

that's vegetable to you, mister. you can't make this shit up!

WAHHHH

when the temperature is warmer, coworker sweats. and it smells. bad. the office FUCKING REEKS and i'm going to get nauseous soon.

just another saturday

getting hit by cars and all that. i only wish i was kidding. i was in soho to go to verizon to inquire about some defects/weirdness with my new phone. a mercedes was pulling out of a spot so i stepped onto the street to cross when all of a sudden the fucking benz was backing into me. i jump back onto the sidewalk and am clutching my heart because it feels like it's about to hop out of my mouth. the driver pulls into the spot and sits there LOOKING at me. not i'm sorry, no hand gestures. just looks at me. i glare back at him, am in shock, so go about my business. run a few errands and walk back the same way and see his car. i walk up to it and he's sitting there with his window open and talking on his phone. exchange is as follows:

me: ah, excuse me. you just hit me with your car?
asshole: no i didn't
me: um, yes you did
asshole: oh yeah, what's wrong with you
(i start fuming at the gall, that he is DENYING this happened)
me: you are in soho on a saturday and there are a LOT of pedestrians around. you should be more careful
asshole: you shouldn't be on the street when someone's trying to park. watch your fucking mouth!
(at this point i will say he was of middle eastern/maybe israeli? not saying anything besides they are known for a fiery temperament. till this point, i was calmly talking to him)
me: you see these (pointing to his sideview mirror)? these are mirrors, you should use them!
asshole: you're a fucking bitch!
me: fuck you, you're a fucking asshole!

addendum, who can't drive and should have his license revoked. and oh yeah, he's fucking lucky he didn't hurt me or i'd sue his ass for all it's worth. the pedestrian is always right. it wasn't really a satisfactory exchange. i guess all i was looking for was an apology instead of a dead fish-eye blank stare. and so, buddy, here's a big FUCK YOU. think of me when you run over and kill someone, because it's bound to happen the way you drive. i mean, what are they, giving licenses out online now or something?

a gidget a gadget

i'm happy as a pig in shit right now. i've got 2 new toys to play with: a phone and a camera. a piece of my phone decided to fall off today when i opened it. no particular reason, unless i dropped it last night and don't remember? anyway, both are long overdue!

aguacate . avocat . die Avocado

it's been awhile since i storied, so here we go. i was at yoga class one day, and in comes this dippie hippie guy. as in, big dreads and hemp clothing. he was new to the studio, so the teacher asks his name - because i go to a rad studio like that where the teachers care. he goes, "i'm avocado!"

even the yoga teacher had to snicker at that one.

one more thing: THIS is how you're advertising your party?

"Holy Shit -- It Party Time. When you were little, you shit your diaper. When you were a teenager, you shit yourself while trying to break wind, and recently, you got shit dick while trying to dip your helmet in the back door. SHIT, SHIT and MORE SHIT. Get loose and drop a dirty deuce on this dance floor."

lay off the crackpipe, jackasses.

2006 hurts me so good

so far, i have fallen down the stairs (pure idiocy and clumsiness, not drunkenness) and bruised my back and backside. i now have the same shuffle gait my 89 year-old grandfather has - it's oh so sexy. then i just recovered from a bout of food poisoning. never has the pukage been so bad. duders, i actually puked in my mouth several times in the office. why did i stick the day out? because i took last friday off and i'm good like that. however, it was another story once i got outside. i made my own little puke puddle on 19th street. how embarassing. i mean, this rivals the very first hangover i ever had at age 16, when i was puking it up at my shitty mall job. that was a hangover for the record books it was...

it's been awhile...

but this one was worth the wait, don't you think?

Subject: hey baby girl
Body: hey sexy princess, hit me back cause im feelin ,i mean i think u really cute and would like to get to know u. i hope to hear from u soon ma so 2 good lookin people can get know each other ( u and i ) lol.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=41929512

that's it. next time i try to pull a guy, my pick-up line is gonna be LOL, baby, LOL. rawr. stupid boys won't know what hit them.

oh for fuck's sake

they put a prayer station in union square station?! with do-gooder christian types in their sensible (ie, fugly) shoes, swarming around...

in other amusing news, lillian from the living things (the dude in the ice skating outfit) is floria sigismondi's husband. who knew! she just had a baby, and the reason i'm blathering on about this is we're working her book. i sense a slight discrepency in talent. she's done so much amazing work and he's all... bluster and no substance in tight pants and no underwears. little lillian got real lucky.

you're welcome

fellow new yorkers. i don't know if this holds true for all benny's burritos locations, but i believe their happy hour is now from opening to close. ALL FUCKING DAY. you can get huge and potent margaritas and frozen mojitos for $3. they even have a new creation called the black flower (i think?) that's half margarita/half sangria. it's delicious.

my legs are a mass of bruises

wtf happened the other night! this enquiring mind wants to know.

fall down drunk

i didn't have high hopes for new years, i just wanted it to be better than last year's. this would not have been a difficult feat, considering my mouth was mauled and my leg was dry humped by a small guy wearing tight black pants and a ripped, black mesh top who i wrongly assumed to be gay (THANKS ANDREW!). i'd had a fine time the rest of the night, but that occurrence generally marred the evening.

i think last night can best be summed up by this voicemail i left (to someone who does not like to be named on this blog. yes, i am cribbing what you wrote. sorry but it sent me into a giggling fit when i read it):
I dont know why you called me an asshole. just a long squeel /laugh by you, incomprehensible words and "you asshole".

yep, that about does it. i haven't put the pieces together yet, but i remember kicking andy in the stomach. i know not why i did this, but i am sure it seemed like an exceedingly good idea at the time. sorry andy.