the spread

the complete feast as decreed by the dad.



most of the veg. check out my deee-licious yams!



the meats.

the end!

bloody el

i managed to make myself sick. at thanksgiving dinner. stay away from my mojitos folks, if i ever get around to mixing them again. they are danger. unbenowenst to me, i was in charge of mixing mojitos and making the yams. little as that was compared to the dad's tasks, i felt under pressure from preparing and hosting and was downing drinks left and right. on an empty stomach. so i wobbled and weaved my way upstairs before 9, before i could make an ass of myself and do something that would be talked about for years to come (see dad 2 years ago, falling off his chair). i praised the porcelain gods and passed out. and now i'm up. i'm sure this is the best way to overcome jetlag.

the bitch is back

thailand was absolutely amazing. i don't even know where to start. i know i already wrote about the food, but it is pretty much impossible to get a bad meal there. i would have been more adventurous regarding street food had i been sure i would not have gotten any meat. ie, the 2 canadian women thought they were getting sticky rice but ended up with a mouthful of raw pork. yum-my! mmm, sticky rice



i know it doesn't look like much, but one try and you'll know what i'm talking about. that topped with egg custard cannot be beat. you'll be like chocolate what? i cried twice from the sheer spiciness of the food. word to the wise: pick the chilis out of the curry.

i impressed myself with my lack of bug-phobia while away. let's see, i saw a giant rat (at least 2x the size as any i've seen in ny) at the restaurant the first night... best not to ask too many questions and not think too hard on what you're putting in your mouth. i saw a spider 2 inches wide in the shower at the beach bungalow. i didn't even blink an eye as i stepped over a cockroach in the common bathroom at above bungalows. i saw a giant "lizard" in the picnic area of a beach. ok, this thing was fucking huge. looked much more like a baby croc than a lizard. i braved my share of squat toilets. even if it was a western style toilet, if there is no flush you're not supposed to throw any paper in the bowl. so me and katrine were talking about this and i said, well sometimes there is no garbage or anything. she goes, "you just stick it in your pocket." haha, ok katrine. "i'm serious." yes, haha, i know katrine. in other words, i roughed it a little bit. oh here is what the view was like from my bungalow, ie heaven and an ideal honeymoon destination:



another view



this was on a tiny, secluded muslim island and the definite highlight of the trip. here are my babies:



not sure if you can see just how tiny they actually were. they were living on the porch of one of my friends' bungalows. they were adorable and emaciated as it seems their bitch of a mother abandoned them. i could easily lift one up in each hand and all i felt was a mass of protruding bones and ribs. it was so sad. we fed them as well as we could while we were there.

phuket i could do without and will definitely not be back. it is a mass of tourists, mostly eurotrash. we had fun times trying to guess the nationalities of particularly obnoxious people. i saw the sex trade in full effect. some ladyboys were gorgeous and are prettier girls than me. there was one who worked at the hotel in ao nang who i thought was the cutest thing ever. but then you would get these gargantuan (like 6 foot), obviously males, but with boobs. highly disturbing. also disturbing was all the whitening bleach. i don't know what it is with asians' fixation with being as pale as possible, but girls would walk around with bleach on their faces that was obviously about 10 shades too light, so they ended up looking kind of gray. not attractive, to my eyes anyway. so me and my london mate were wondering where all the old white guys were picking up these thai women. well david (the explorer) took us through the redlight district one night and there were alleyways (not even proper alleys) but you'd see sooooo many whores. in front of restaurants, in them, inside bars, out on the street. our question was answered. we wandered into one bar and david and i were immediately accosted. they were not all hot by any means, but i guess it just doesn't matter to some guys. i was really really skeeved out by the couples. typically, it'd be a middle-aged guy with a wedding ring on his finger, bleached and spiked hair (in an attempt to look youthful?) with some thai woman. she'd either look ok, cos she was getting fed and getting drinks, or she'd look miserable. more puzzling were younger guys who didn't really appear to need to pay for sex. but whatever. boys being boys. i even saw a few of these couples at the airport. the guys would either be paying them to say goodbye, or pay their way to wherever else they were going in asia. it was total rent-a-girlfriend, and i thought these jackasses must be so very lonely.

the tour group was alright. honestly i would have been lost without the london girl so i am glad there was someone around my age who liked to have a little fun. one night i found myself with her and her gay irish workmates and some very rowdy irish girls playing drinking games like i was 17. good times. i was the heaviest drinker on the tour, which was problematic to say the least. the one thing i will miss like mad (already do) are the thai massages. i had one almost every day. 2 were utter crap, but this one guy, the MAN, was fucking amazing. if you're ever in ao nang, go to taak massage and ask for the male massage teacher. he will change your life.

i think i'm going to have to add singapore to my list of places to go. i don't think any other airline comes to near to them, and the airport was a really nice place to have a 4+ hour layover. i gymmed and showered (in luxe surroundings), i shopped... the airport itself is very warm and welcoming, as opposed to the cold sterility of frankfurt. those ever efficient germans security checked me two times, but i guess it was worth it for that hefeweisen. the only german i managed to speak was, "ein bitburger bitte" on my first way through (which was bitter as, not recommended). couldn't understand a thing and was highly disappointed in myself. so! german lesson, take 3.

anyway, here is a typical beachside scene.



these are long tail boats, and there is little better than sitting out front on one of these with the breeze blowing and the sun shining. speedboats aren't bad either.



mmmm, more bugs! open wide.

and of course a post on asia would not be complete without some engrish.



my purchases:
3 fishermen pants (2 for me, one for bug) $8.50
2 knives, 1 julienner (1 knife for mom, julienner is awesome! dinner parties here i come) $10.50
1 beach mat, also perfect for picnics should i ever get my shit together enough for that $1.50
3 silk pillow covers $8.25
3 bottles of whiskey (one for dad) $9.75
1 custom made, tailored wool cashmere suit $90 - i'm gonna look dead professional at interviews

yay! yay!

i'm in thailand. a squat toilet has been encountered and dealt with, somewhat. the food is fucking amazing, anywhere and everywhere. i'm off for my first day of beach and sun. only downside is the 5 canadians on my tour group. not really, everyone's really nice.

i'm in love with singapore airlines

if i had my way, i'd never fly anything but them. maybe lufthansa and qantas as well. the food is more than edible, they actually warm the dinner rolls, they serve booze - for free. and the stweardesses are super nice. i don't know what's up with american airlines charging for everything and their godawful service. it's bullshit. i'm writing this from the singapore airport, which is spotless and new. and they have free internet stations everywhere, which are high speed. so awesome. maybe i'll add singapore to my list of places to visit.

trying to brace myself for squat toilets

i just had a ridiculous brainfart. i got it in my head my flight was tomorrow night, but when i called to confirm it, it is tonight. would have been pretty awful to miss it, ya think?

dear apple

could you please exercise some quality control? i love my ipod, i really do. what i don't love is having to recharge it every single day due to its dying battery life. what i really hate are the headphones/remote. i've already gone through 2, and am in sore need of a third. my remote is fucked, and i have no choice but to spend $39 on a craptastic product that will break again in another few months. suck.

ICE ICE BABY

at a rapture show? whyyyyyy.

my hair looks so good right now

the above line is from a conversation i had with kt regarding the wackos she's gone out with. it was said by a normal-ish cute looking guy. nothing spectacular. yet he commented on his hair several times throughout their date, as well as his clothes, and his family's money. i've never gone out with anyone nearly as disgustingly obnoxious, thank god.

on saturday, my parents and i had a flu shot party. as in, we went to my uncle's apt (who is a dr, not some hackjob) and all got our flu shots. i am also innoculating myself to the bird flu by taking tamiflu tablets. this is all at my dear mother's behest, of course. bring the charm, she and my auntie say. THE charm?? i have 5, at the very least, floating around my apartment. all have been blessed specifically for me by a lama. with all the blessings in my apartment, it should be a constant marathon of great, porntastic sex. ha.

wheeee! quiz fun

this bbc sex id quiz is fun and pretty good.

an oldie but goodie - alllooksame, which i scored very well on despite a crap computer screen thank you very much.