i'm confused

what the hell are these, and why are they popular? it's like wearing bright rubber boats on your feet. i don't get it.

another thing that confuses me is how unaware of their surroundings people are. you'd think in a city as crammed and packed as ny, the opposite would be true. but no, for even the locals, it's:

let's walk three across on the sidewalk, so no one can pass with ease

let's swing our arms all around as we walk so people who pass by are smacked (last time i checked, windmilling your arms was not a necessity in order to walk. did someone change the rules in the 23 years since i learned to walk? if so, please do let me know)

let's stand right in front of the turnstyle as we try to find our metrocard

let's stop abruptly on the sidewalk

let's block the stairwell to the subway

let's scream personal matters into our cellphone, like who we fucked last night

let's weave left and right on the sidewalk as if we were intoxicated in broad daylight. there's a time and place for weaving, and 10am is NOT it
let's all stand outside the bar, gawping our drunken little asses off and blocking the way for anyone who wants to pass
let's take 3-4 swipes to board the bus. it's ok, you're not dumb as a rock.. there's just an illustration showing you exactly how to correctly insert the metrocard
let's incorrectly hail a cab. seriously, god help you if you can't figure this out after watching a few drive by you. a cab is available IF AND ONLY IF the middle light is lit. if the entire sign is lit, the driver is off duty and by no means obligated to stop for your sorry ass. if the sign is not lit, the cab is occupied!

and to you tourists who feel it's necessary to bodycheck people, clutch your bag, and then glare around defiantly, daring someone to harm you... because you're in big, bad, scarrry new york... just fuck you, you're ridiculous.

it would be so great if people would just wake up and get the fuck out of my way. rant over.

ps, i made pad thai last night and it was awesome. this is the shit.