oh new york

has anyone ever called 311 to report a noise violation? or yelled out the window with any degree of success? there's a certain dive in the east village that's notorious for its patrons getting soaked with pails of water by irate tenants upstairs. many a night i've lain awake thinking about doing this. until someone pointed out (i can't remember who it was) that it would be so much more satisfying to have a hose hooked up and spray the annoying people on the street. the bar across the street from my bedroom window doesn't even do the courtesy of a "please be respectful of our neighbors and be quiet" sign. last sunday night there was a woman with the most obnoxious laugh out on the street. i have a pretty motherfucking loud laugh myself, but i certainly wouldn't be hootin and hollerin at 1am on a sunday night. so i fantasized about super-soaking her. what i really wanted to do was yell out the window, "shut up you damn cunt!"

instead i turned the fan on.