in the running for mr. douchebag usa

the following story is 100% true.




i shit you not.

last night my friend, flex, went out on a date cj smith (real name), who she thought was a nice guy. at the bar, she provided her credit card to open a tab. they had a nice enough time, she had two drinks, he had three. when they went to collect the bill, he says, "you got it, right?" out of shock, i guess, she paid. then for reasons unknown, even to herself, flex let him up into her apartment. they start making out, etc etc, but when she made it clear she was not sleeping with him, he proceeded to call her a lesbian.

?!?!

ok, we're how old? so he repeatedly calls her a lesbian and says, "you're missing out on the cj loving."

no joke. then he demands that she rub his back. flex, thoroughly disgusted, asks, "why, because you paid for the drinks?" douchebag says, "no, because i'm a man."

when it becomes super clear that he is not going to spend the night, he demands cab money to get home because lothario here has $8 in his bank account. shocked again, flex hands him $5. he asks, "where is this going to get me?" she said the PATH is just on 6th avenue. he whines, "but then i need money to get from the train to home." at this point, she wants him the fuck out so she pays him to leave. she pays him to leave.

i was bawling with laughter when she told me the story last night, but i was also filled with disgust. as many asshole as i've been out with, this is truly the worst. date. ever. poor flex!