shriveled vag

i recently had the misfortune of going out with a guy, a very hot guy. why the misfortune then, you ask? because i got mauled by him in my apartment. if someone could explain how a really good-looking 30 year old guy could be SUCH an ATROCIOUS kisser, i'd be much obliged. the theory i'm most inclined to believe is he was a fat kid and only recently grew into his looks.

things went swimmingly at the bar. in fact, i liked him very much. after the kissage, though, i was nothing less than physically repulsed at the thought of him, down to saying his name. his technique was lacking. seriously. and, note to all readers. constantly making MMMMMing noises is NOT a turn-on. just the opposite. also, i think this is because he was very drunk, but i would pull away because i was just recoiling, and he would CONTINUE TO KISS THE AIR AND MOAN. i had to ask/tell him to leave no less than 20 times, finally standing by the door with arms crossed. no means fucking no. don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

so what to do? naturally i posted about it on my board. i didn't even reveal all the details, just the shitty fucking kissing. i knew the kids would bring it. the hilarious responses below:

this always blows my mind! haven't kissed anyone who totally blew at it in years, though. but it's like HAHA HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING

bad kissers are the absolute worst. and in the heat of the moment it's really hard to say HEY, CAN YOU STOP LICKING MY FACE.

or you could just say PLEASE STOP EATING MY FACE AND KISS ME NORMALLY

maybe his exes really enjoyed being drooled on

just dump him before he starts licking your face.

DID HE TRY TO EAT YOUR LIPS LIKE THEY WERE MADE OF CANDY?

DID HE TRY TO MAKE HIS TONGUE TOUCH YOUR TONSILS?

DID HE SUCKLE YOUR FACE LIKE A NURSING LAMB

DID HE SPEW SPIT INTO YOUR MOUTH LIKE HE WAS TRYING TO FILL A BUCKET?

DID YOU TELL HIM THAT THE G-SPOT ISN'T LOCATED ON THE EPIGLOTTIS

hahaha is he going MMMMMMMMMMMM when you kiss? haha god, poor doofus dude :(

you might find his dick in your ear, if he doesnt know how to kiss you now.

"let's rub mouth-beefs"

EVER HAD A GUY BLOW INTO YOUR MOUTH IN AN ATTEMPT TO INFLATE YOUR CHEEKS?
THAT'S HOT

did it sound like y ou were makin out with rachael ray?
'yum-o!'

Time for a board weekend kissing workshop. $150 for two days' worth of instruction and free tote bag.

Ladies call me Oral Roberts.

1:30-2:30 pm Lunch panel discussion with x (board.com), "Nibbling and Biting" (ADVANCED INTERMEDIATE), conference room B

my class "you are not a blowfish" a psychological journey how when being intimate . You are not under water and need your partner's air to survive. only to share the air for love and enjoy each others company.
won the CUNY award for groundbreaking excellence in a self help class.

435 -730 pm
M,TH,FR

Union Study Hall
Rm 714

i'm a TA for the T&A class

"BEYOND THE FRENCH: ADVANCED ORALBATICS"

For many of us, the act of "kissing" evokes either lips pressing against each other, or tongue-to-tongue contact. But where can one go from there? As world-renowned kissologist and Level III Orator X will show you, there are many worlds to explore. In this exciting 2-hr seminar, he will guide you through the following topics:

* tongue-sucking
* lip-licking
* lip-sucking
* lip-biting
* moisture matching
* building oral endurance
* and much more!

Throughout the demonstration, attendees will be forced to ponder the following questions: Is a kiss just a kiss? How much does one's kissing ability tell others about our other oral skills? Is kissing merely foreplay or can it be enjoyed in and of itself?


they brought it good.